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Yesterday, booking a meeting with Santa.

Santa: You were where?!
Hamp: Bangkok.
Santa: That's great. What were you doing there?
Hamp: I was joining my Dad for a month.
Santa: So that's one less prison warden. Next, you'll have to make your great escape!

See? See? That's why Santa's the bestest English teacher ever!

Today, meeting with Santa.

Santa: Who do you think your potential audience (for the upcoming workshop) will be?
Hamp: Um. 20-30. Male. Agnostic or atheist.
Santa: Nope. Your audience will be female. 50-60. Blue-haired. And she'll want to come to your workshop because you're a dear girl and she wants to show you her story about God's love.
Hamp: Oh, damn.

More Santa!

Santa: Now, I have a few advantages over you (in terms of teaching ability). I'm male. And --
Hamp: You can loom over your unsuspecting victims till they answer you?
Santa: That's right! You discovered my secret technique!
Hamp: I only know this because I spent a year being a victim of getting loomed over...

Conclusion: Santa is still the coolest Creative Writing professor in the known universe.

The Bee

Took the bus home yesterday, and a tiny honey bee landed on my satchel. It circled, and it preened, and rubbed its little tongue, and I didn't dare move from the spot lest I disturb it. I wondered, "Which child are you?" because I habitually hallucinate that all the friendly bugs I meet are usually reincarnated hamsters. One of mine. When I answered myself that it was Frisby, it left without me noticing.

The Dove

Still waiting for the bus and sitting very still, a plump grey dove flew over and began to bobble around my feet. Before I could wonder who this was, a passing lady scared it off. It sat on a lamp post across the street and watched me for a few seconds.

The Cat

Taking out the trash later that evening, I met the cat that likes to sit on my neighbour's car. It doesn't have a collar. It mewed at me twice and sat in the middle of the road in front of my house, about a foot away from my feet. I bent down to pet it, because cats have a way of making bend down wanting to pet them, and it was very happy to be skritched and petted. What a nice cat. Twenty minutes of purring cat and happily cat-petting me later, I said goodnight and went back inside. The cat went back to coiling on the road.

So it's either a suicidal cat or a chilly one.

I had to stop petting the cat and not take it home with me because after twenty minutes of stray cat dander and who-knows-what-fleas, I had to take a Zyrtec before my eyes went watery and my throat got puffy. It's not for lack of liking cats that I don't keep one. It is my habit to be allergic to everything I like. Cats, hamsters, dusty books, flying pollen, whole cities...

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
stitchfrequency
Nov. 1st, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
*grins* This is the cutest blog entry I have ever read.
I especially like your story about the bee.
vampyrichamster
Nov. 1st, 2006 07:29 pm (UTC)
Spazzy thank yous! :)
The bee was a fascinating critter. It made me realize cats, hamsters, birds and bees actually do seem to lick themselves clean in rather the same pattern: nose/tongue, ears/whiskers/antennae, back/back legs, front/front legs. And it was cute!

And yonder LJ icon, I might add, has got to be the funniest use of flying hearts I've seen in a while!
stitchfrequency
Nov. 1st, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
Wow, I never realized that before, either. I should start looking at animals cleaning themselves more, haha.

:) I laugh at yonder LJ icon every time I post with it!
phoenikoi
Nov. 1st, 2006 11:56 pm (UTC)
You're back, you're back - yay! I was wondering where you were just the other day since I hadn't been noticing interesting entries about Bangkok popping up.
vampyrichamster
Nov. 2nd, 2006 04:43 am (UTC)
Yo! :)
Sorry about not staying in touch. I've been working pretty much since I landed -- only just got the time to really say anything!
phoenikoi
Nov. 2nd, 2006 04:48 am (UTC)
We can have coffee sometime to catch up. And congratulations on finishing Finches. :)
vampyrichamster
Nov. 2nd, 2006 04:51 am (UTC)
Er, no, I haven't finished Finches, unfortunately. Just the first story out of four. :)

We can have coffee sometime to catch up. *does a Santa* And how has your hiragana writing been doing lately? Mmmmm?
phoenikoi
Nov. 2nd, 2006 04:58 am (UTC)
Oh, well, that's still good progress!

Er... the hiragana writing has suffered in favour of assignment word counts. In fact, I'm attempting to write one now. Or two, I suppose, since I stalled on the first. Are you sticking around online?
countlibras
Nov. 2nd, 2006 02:14 am (UTC)
I like your posts about Santa. He does indeed sound like the coolest Creative Writing professor in the known universe.

Maybe we should try getting you a hairless cat?
vampyrichamster
Nov. 2nd, 2006 04:50 am (UTC)
Nooooo. Nooooo. No alien cat!
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )