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January 19th's Gothic.Net Story

Which, yes, I programmed in time. I was rather worried I wouldn't be able to with all the things that's happened this week, and the studying, but it's there. Lisa von Biela's Riptide worked for me on a very personal level. It reminds me, almost a little too much, of my own shortcomings as the older sibling with a special needs younger brother. It also reminds me of a certain kind of control I've always wanted but always managed to avoid - the one that puts my life in my own hands. I'm not sure, but I think it's a sort of control people do sort of universally want but avoid, because having your own life in your own hands means that much responsibility. I don't have that much responsibility, probably because of my own cowardice. I envy the people who do, the ones who manage to do with their lives what they wanted, whether it was to live to the fullest or, as in this story, end it with their own hands. As always, I humbly request your support for both our writers and the magazine. Please visit Gothic.net. Your reads, thoughts and patronage will always be welcomed.

Comments

ladyeuthanasia
Jan. 20th, 2004 11:52 am (UTC)
Strength, Will

You'll develop the strength you need in the right time. When you're ready, it'll happen. :) At least, that's my experience. Also, keep in mind that the extra stress robs you of strength and keeps you tired or "lazy." It's a vicious cycle.
vampyrichamster
Jan. 22nd, 2004 05:39 am (UTC)
Re: Strength, Will
It is. What doesn't help is how shutting down really does eventually become habitual. Like the little things. You know you want to mop the floor, do the laundry, feed, write, but you can't get out of bed. You can't, and you're either crying or hating yourself, during which sleep sets in precisely so you'll stop doing that, and people see this and think you're just trying to sleep to slack off. It gets to a point where you can't tell if you really are just being lazy or being troubled, and that feeds the loathing.