?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

I don't do these much, but I had to borrow this from morbidloren.

You know you're reading an Afi story when:

1. Three-fourths of the narrative is told from the perspective of the scenery.

2. The scenery is told in microscopic detailing, with a stress on dust motes rather than the omnipresent voice in the sky.

3. There is the nagging feeling obscure references are being made, but you can't quite figure out where, why or even what these references might be.

4. There is occasional talking, but it still feels like you're reading just another description.

5. The narrative style has the peculiar tendency to fall off the page, divide itself between quotes, develop fingers of haiku, take on the forms of completely different documents, and sometimes even manages to be slightly perplexing.

6. Death guest stars in every tale, even if Afi has to disguise him as lamp posts and cockroaches.

7. No one ever knows what genre the story is supposed to be, not even the author.

8. Arguments ensue over whether the story is supposed to be in the genre of the publication it appears in. Most people then agree that the story is really literary fiction and is merely pretending to be something else.

9. You get to the end of the story and you still have no idea what the darn thing was about, but it disturbed you and you can't stand it.

10. After reading the story and getting horribly confused, you then looked up the author's homepage and all the person there talks about is hamsters, painfully constipated art movies and weird Japanese music. Furthermore, it's more like the person in question is more obsessed with anime than actual horror writing. You cannot believe this person wrote what you just read. Therefore, the author and the story must both be figments of your imagination. Nothing you have ever read about her is untrue.

The End.

Comments

( 29 comments — Leave a comment )
scanner_darkly
Mar. 12th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
You should do more like these!
vampyrichamster
Mar. 12th, 2007 05:29 pm (UTC)
I should be writing, you mean! ;) And here I have just invented a new genre: Afi Light. The only difference between Afi Light and Afi Dark is that the latter has 50% more death, and slightly unappetizing odours.
mokie
Mar. 12th, 2007 09:24 pm (UTC)
Afi Dark = Lovecraft-flavored Poe cookies, dipped in the bitter, bitter tea of misery, out of the teapot of vague discontent.

Afi Light = Gorey children running with scissors. Scissors covered in sprinkles. And tinsel, tinsel made of dead babies. But happy dead babies!
vampyrichamster
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:22 am (UTC)
Thank you, Mokie. Will that be one tentacle, or two? :)
mokie
Mar. 17th, 2007 11:14 pm (UTC)
Hang on, let me count my orifices...
countlibras
Mar. 12th, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC)
hey there stranger!

Um... now I'm really curious to read an example of Afi Dark and Aft Light. :D
vampyrichamster
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:10 am (UTC)
Long time no see! I am still in the midst of crafting the first tale of Afi Light, but I do have Afi Dark on offer, if you like. (It's not that dark. Coupla dead people. Random ghosts. Creepy pillow babies. Ghost Hunt is scarier.) :)
countlibras
Mar. 13th, 2007 01:12 pm (UTC)
Oh! I'll read it!

(d00d, Ghost Hunt IS scary... I finished watching the Bloody Labyrinth storyline and for two nights I was worried that Urado was going to pop up from under my bed)

Aside - my family has too many international stamps sitting around. How do you feel about random bits of paper mail from me? XD
vampyrichamster
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:18 pm (UTC)
I'll send ya one. What's a cool email for you these days? :)

The Bloody Labyrinth arc was definitely something else. The last bit with Vlad of the Bath had me adopting my infallible horror watching strategy of looking below my glasses at the bottom of the screen for the 1 second or so. Nothing like blurry bottom-of-the-screen vision to cut down on the scariness. This is to say that arc was Quite Scary Indeed. Oh, and Lin really was "kakkoii", as the lady said. I'm glad they're pushing Lin's character a bit more now. ;) *GH flailings*

I adore random bits of paper mail. Receiving things with my name on it forms one of the highlights of my existence! Paper mail is kewl. ^_^
countlibras
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
I'm all about Lin. *cough*

From what I've read of the manga, the manga has better dialogue but it's not pressed for time like a show. Mai and Naru, however, look a lot better in the anime. I really couldn't figure that one out. "Why does everyone look fairly the same and Mai and Naru look kind of terrible?!"

countlibras at yahoo dot com is the best way to find me.

hmmm, now I'll need to ponder what interesting bits I can send you for paper mail. mwahahaha!
vampyrichamster
Mar. 21st, 2007 01:20 pm (UTC)
I'm watching the raws because Shinsen won't sub the darn thing fast enough to get the Lin fix. Lin gets awesomer as the episodes go by. And he gets to call more disembodied assistants! (Seen recent eps? Zombies even?)

The sole reason I'm staying away from the manga has got to be because I took one look at Mai/Naru/Lin and *ran*. ;)
countlibras
Mar. 21st, 2007 01:55 pm (UTC)
hee! My first reaction to manga Mai/Naru was honestly "why are they so ugly? wft?"

I have not seen anything past ep. 22. The last time I got ahead of myself and watched a raw was the last part of the Bloody Labyrinth. My reaction was "ahh! I need to watch the scary stuff again just so that I know what is being said? oh noes!"
countlibras
Mar. 21st, 2007 01:56 pm (UTC)
durr! I meant wtf? and not wft?
vampyrichamster
Mar. 21st, 2007 02:01 pm (UTC)
I didn't even notice. But I suppose I could simply read that as, "What fucks thee?" for no good reason. ;)
countlibras
Mar. 21st, 2007 03:06 pm (UTC)
I was coming up with "why fuck that?" XD
vampyrichamster
Mar. 21st, 2007 02:00 pm (UTC)
Kind of my reaction there too. ;)

Lin of the anime is broodier looking, I reckon, being a sort of Hattori (the seahorse from Fruits Basket). I likes him. But we know that! I started on raws because of the Bloody Labyrinth too. Watched the first 3 minutes and understood everything, and thought, wow, I understood what they said. Then I hit the rest of the ep and realized I couldn't understand much else worthwhile. Which sucked. Story of all the rest of the raws. But I can safely say the Bloody Labyrinth is the scariest of the scary. The next arc is tame. Except for one gory bit. But that's a long way off. (And I'm the horror writer who gets too terrified of horror movies to watch them, so I'm very high on the chicken scale too.)
countlibras
Mar. 21st, 2007 03:09 pm (UTC)
oh geez, I'm such a huge scaredy-cat! I'm almost surprised that I'm addicted to Ghost Hunt as I am. It must be because of Lin.

(Hattori is cool too)
vampyrichamster
Mar. 21st, 2007 03:21 pm (UTC)
The pretty boyness of this one helps, and I have no resistance to cold sexy cipher men at all. Though I would like to say in my defence that I'm largely with Ghost Hunt for the sheer parapsychology dorkdom. Used to be a huger fan of that haunted places stuff as a kid. :)
morbidloren
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:18 am (UTC)
Welcome back. I've been missing your postings.
vampyrichamster
Mar. 13th, 2007 04:06 am (UTC)
Why, thank you! :)
Hey, is that you in that icon? Because she's really pretty!
morbidloren
Mar. 13th, 2007 01:39 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's me. Thanks! lyricagent takes the best photographs.
vampyrichamster
Mar. 13th, 2007 03:08 pm (UTC)
That is such a glamour shot. You looked glamorous! :)
desertwolf
Mar. 13th, 2007 05:00 am (UTC)
*points with paw* Where's the part about your stories being like bits? Crunchy, chewy, sweet and spicy bits. Kinda like a chutney. Very good but not overpowering. Good enough to consume everyday. :o)
vampyrichamster
Mar. 13th, 2007 05:24 am (UTC)
I'm a drinking snack!
scanner_darkly
Mar. 13th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)
vampyrichamster
Mar. 15th, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
I could watch this for days. Still, I had to wonder, if that were an infant child in its maws...
eekers
Mar. 24th, 2007 02:12 pm (UTC)
*Pops in to poke Afichan in the nose and check she is ok?* :)

vampyrichamster
Mar. 24th, 2007 02:14 pm (UTC)
*the darkness squeaks*
eekers
Mar. 24th, 2007 04:38 pm (UTC)
*tiptoes away carefully*
( 29 comments — Leave a comment )